That One Time in Portland

It’s a really odd adjustment when you have children from a previous relationship and then get married to someone new. I know a lot of you remarried, dating divorcees feel me right now. And who dreamed of this as little girls, you know?

One day I will grow up to have a dream wedding, and then get divorced, and have another dream wedding!

Yikes

I still struggle with the word: divorce. I still struggle with the fact that I failed. But so is life, and for the first year my reality was that of two worlds colliding. How do I make this transition smooth for everyone involved?

Love

When Josh moved in over a year ago I found myself stretched to max, trying to make everyone in the house feel like the most important person. I was building a new relationship with a man, essentially starting from scratch, while trying to raise two children to be well adjusted, confident, kind humans. It was a hard lesson in which I learned that I am indeed only human. And that if hearts are pure things have a way of working themselves out. I was trying to get as much alone time with Josh as I possibly could, while simultaneously creating these beautiful family moments where we could bond. I would not want to return to that first year where I tried too hard, burned myself out, and often felt defeated.

Josh loves kids. Kids love Josh. He’s very good with them, and not just mine. All. Of. Them. And so while I was stressing out about family time, alone time, one-on-one time, Josh was already bonding with my children. I was just too busy stressing to notice.  Kids are not even a little bit stupid. Adults are stupid. Kids are pure and unfiltered. They know when someone likes them, they know when someone has a pure heart. He reads to them every night, from the chapter books they loving choose together at the bookstore. Sometimes Scarlet reads to him and I find him sitting against a wall in her bedroom while she walks circles around her rug, reading. He does a lot of one-on-one time with them, taking Ryder to sporting events, and Scarlet to the bookstore (her favorite place). And he teases. This weekend we took a trip to Portland for one of my family getaways/bonding time. He convinced both of them that Portland doesn’t allow children under the age of six in the city and told Ryder he would need to tell people that he was eight in order to be allowed in. Ryder spent the weekend telling strangers that he was eight, only to find out it was all a Josh scam. He laughed pretty hard when he found out he’d been conned once again by his stepfather. They have this tone in which they say Josh’s name.

Juh-ooooosh!

I just wanted to share this little bit of my life. And to tell you that if there is love things will work themselves out. You don’t need to control everything, and you can’t create perfect family moments; they happen organically.

Links to my Portland outfit below. This dress is such beautiful quality. it’s heavy without being heavy. And I finally bought new Ray Bans after someone stole all of mine out of my car. They’re a different style. Square framed and very lightweight on the face. Happy Fourth!

 

 

What I’m reading!

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Red Thread

I’m ready. I’ve been working on my thighs and butt with all the squats. I have been casually tanning my white parts. I have established a shaving pattern. Here I am summer! Technically this is the first summer Josh and I will have together. He moved to Washington last March, but my dad had recently died, and my world was shaken with some ugly things. Truth be told, I spent my summer grieving. This summer I plan on sweaty kisses, and swimming, and grilling, and all those other things people do and take photos of. Yay! Also, I finished my book. I can officially relax. Anyway, my sweater is the bomb. So lightweight and perfect for evenings if you live in sweatbox somewhere (Texas and Florida). Here it’s mostly in the seventies during summer. Which is dreamy AF. I threw in some sandals in case you’re not a boots in summer kind of girl. Happy sweating.

 

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Splash of Heels

I don’t wear stiletto type heels very often. Seattle has too many hills and I am a notorious tripper. On my first date with Josh I was in Detroit and we were crossing a street to go to a sushi restaurant.  I had heels on and I tripped in the middle of the street. He caught me before I hit the ground (like literally and figuratively), but that was his first experience with Tarry-falls-down. The very next day I wore heels again, and we were walking around downtown when my heel snagged a crack in the sidewalk and down I went again. Only this time I rolled…literally rolled down the street. When he hauled me to my feet I had a new rip in my jeans and a bloody knee. Anyway, why am I telling you all of this while posting a pair of heels that I think you should buy? I don’t know. When you fall off a horse get right back on? Er…they’re pretty?

 

Happy tripping

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Droopy

I feel droopy lately. Spirit and body. Writer life doesn’t allow for a lot of soul and body nurturing. My typical day includes getting up to get the kids ready, school drop off, cleaning up the breakfast mess, writing. Then I pick them up from school, do homework, make dinner, play, get them bathed and try to spend some time with Josh. Then it starts all over again the next day. Monotony and exhaustion, right? Let’s not even talk about all the things in the middle like laundry, and school events, and bad behavior from little people. Teaching moments and discipline are time consuming and tiring.  You can relate right?  We get droopy. We run ourselves into the ground just trying to keep up.  Then one day it catches up, doesn’t it? And you feel…hopeless.

I don’t have a solution for these times, but I know you have try. Try to eat healthier, try to slip some exercise in, try to do something for yourself every once in a while, try to slow down and enjoy parenting rather than rushing through it.  I came outside today and I’m just sitting in the sun, taking deep breaths and reading a little. Below is what I’m wearing and reading.

Jumpsuits are great. You can argue that they make you feel larger, lumpy or dumpy, but t-shirts do that too, and I feel like we all spend way too much time in t-shirts. This is a fun and comfortable alternative to your regular casual wear. And have I told you guys about Ringly? It’s like a Fitbit but in ring form. You can keep track of your steps by wearing a Ringly and there’s an app that keeps you updated and motivated. I’m loving mine. Hope you have a really fabulous weekend.

 

 

What I’m reading!

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Mom Jeans

First pair of high-waisted jeans, right here. I’ve never even tried a pair on because they have that mom jean stigma. And while mom jeans look sexy and dare-I-say even cool on twenty year olds, well…I am a mom. And on me they look like mom jeans. I’m adjusting. Because guess what? They’re so comfortable. So, so comfortable. I may never go back. I stepped out of the box and wore my new mom jeans with a crop top. Yikes. There was even a bit of belly peeking through. I’m normally an oversized shirt kind of girl…long…flowy. But, I felt good in this whole outfit and I really believe it was the mom-er- I mean high-waisted jeans that made me feel that way. My espadrille shoes, they’re from last year so I wasn’t able to find them. However I found some similar flatforms I thought you’d like. P.s. “I’m not a regular mom, I’m a cool mom.”  

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Ripped Summer

Hi,

So it was warm this weekend. I was cheerful AF. Josh was very confused. But guess what? It was a nice break and it’s not hot enough to be oppressive yet. Holla to all my Florida and Texas friends! I had dinner at my friend, Simone’s house last night (you may know her as @simoneinthekitchen on Instagram) and now I’m obsessed with miniature cucumbers. Damn, that girl can cook. Anyway, find mini cucumbers and dip them in hummus. Yum.

This post includes plus size. And for those of you who ask about my ripped jeans, well when I buy my ripped jeans they often aren’t shredded enough for me so I actually go in with a razor and rip them further. If you see more intense rips in any of my jean pictures this is why. Birkenstocks, the perfect shoe. They actually mold to the shape of your foot after a few wears and provide back support (this is something I need) They last hellavu long too. It’s difficult to make them look worn. Worth every penny in my opinion. Links below!

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Pumped Up Kicks

I had these Adidas on my mind while I travelled abroad. I’d been looking for them Stateside for quite some time and I wasn’t able to find the exact ones I was looking for. Since so many of you asked about them I decided to make a post. I did find similar pairs, one being suede, and two with the gold detail. I think they’re bomb either way.

Right now as I type this I’m watching a very cute toddler who is wearing a beanie and drinking a hot chocolate like the little hipster he is. Seattle’s kids are another level of cute. HIPSTER NATION! Back to fashion, sorry. Here are the links.

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Fun People Wear Fun Leggings

We likes the yoga pants, we does. I don’t know about you guys but I take no joy in stuffing myself into a pair of jeans. That muffin top, though. Yikes! In summer I love shorter leggings. These lacy and partially sheer leggings are so fun! Lazy wear that makes you look like you know how to have fun! You know it’s true. I threw up some plus size pairs too. Let me know what you think.

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It’s a Miracle!

Whaaaa? It’s that time again? Bathing suit season, I’M SO READY! -Say’s no one ever. Well, do I have news for you. First of all, I just want to remind you that you’re not allowed to feel inferior this year. Or insecure. Or hate your body. You are allowed to do none of these awful things that steal your joy. Do you hear me? Good. Those girls who you’re always comparing yourselves to, leave them be. Don’t do that. That’s cool that they’re super fit and have amazingly chiseled abs, but if that’s not you don’t waste your time wishing it was. We have babies, we have weight issues, we have…life. Life is fun when you’re not wishing for something that you don’t have. And remember when we’re eighty we’re all going to be in the same boat, full of well-earned wrinkles, and tits to our knees! Hooray!  What will make us rich and beautiful at eighty are the memories we have earned. The memories of playing, loving and tasting life. You don’t want to sit in your rocking chair and be empty of experience. Trust me, when you’re eighty that memory of you on the beach, or at the pool enjoying yourself will be so valuable. And you won’t care that you had flabby thighs, or too many rolls on your belly. Because, it doesn’t fucking matter what your shell looks like.

So, my homies, let me introduce you to the Miracle Suit. It’s like Spanx but for the pool; holds it, pushes it, slims you down a size. This is my second year of Miracle Suit wonder. I’ll never go back. I’m every woman it’s all in me. I’m in a size 8 in my photo. The size six made my butt look squished, and I like big butts. Is it worth the price? Yeah, it’ll last. We’re not talking Target quality. This suit is a lifer. I found a plus size similar to mine! Linked you below, yo!

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