It’s a really odd adjustment when you have children from a previous relationship and then get married to someone new. I know a lot of you remarried, dating divorcees feel me right now. And who dreamed of this as little girls, you know?
One day I will grow up to have a dream wedding, and then get divorced, and have another dream wedding!
I still struggle with the word: divorce. I still struggle with the fact that I failed. But so is life, and for the first year my reality was that of two worlds colliding. How do I make this transition smooth for everyone involved?
When Josh moved in over a year ago I found myself stretched to max, trying to make everyone in the house feel like the most important person. I was building a new relationship with a man, essentially starting from scratch, while trying to raise two children to be well adjusted, confident, kind humans. It was a hard lesson in which I learned that I am indeed only human. And that if hearts are pure things have a way of working themselves out. I was trying to get as much alone time with Josh as I possibly could, while simultaneously creating these beautiful family moments where we could bond. I would not want to return to that first year where I tried too hard, burned myself out, and often felt defeated.
Josh loves kids. Kids love Josh. He’s very good with them, and not just mine. All. Of. Them. And so while I was stressing out about family time, alone time, one-on-one time, Josh was already bonding with my children. I was just too busy stressing to notice. Kids are not even a little bit stupid. Adults are stupid. Kids are pure and unfiltered. They know when someone likes them, they know when someone has a pure heart. He reads to them every night, from the chapter books they loving choose together at the bookstore. Sometimes Scarlet reads to him and I find him sitting against a wall in her bedroom while she walks circles around her rug, reading. He does a lot of one-on-one time with them, taking Ryder to sporting events, and Scarlet to the bookstore (her favorite place). And he teases. This weekend we took a trip to Portland for one of my family getaways/bonding time. He convinced both of them that Portland doesn’t allow children under the age of six in the city and told Ryder he would need to tell people that he was eight in order to be allowed in. Ryder spent the weekend telling strangers that he was eight, only to find out it was all a Josh scam. He laughed pretty hard when he found out he’d been conned once again by his stepfather. They have this tone in which they say Josh’s name.
I just wanted to share this little bit of my life. And to tell you that if there is love things will work themselves out. You don’t need to control everything, and you can’t create perfect family moments; they happen organically.
Links to my Portland outfit below. This dress is such beautiful quality. it’s heavy without being heavy. And I finally bought new Ray Bans after someone stole all of mine out of my car. They’re a different style. Square framed and very lightweight on the face. Happy Fourth!
What I’m reading!